happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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