Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
