I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize