kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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