Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
