i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
