why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
