He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
