I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
