just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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