After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
