Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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