Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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