If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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