im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
