I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
