i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
