It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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