I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
