remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
