Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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