My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The air was thick with penises
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
