I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
