it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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