dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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