I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dicks are not precious.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
