I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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