The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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