I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
