you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
