Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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