the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
