you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
