Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
