Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I cut my penus on the lid.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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