420 ftw
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
