i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
