She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
BRING THE BAGELS
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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