If that was your dad, he is hot
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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