you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
