So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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