I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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