whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
