she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
