Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
