went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
