I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
