He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
