Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
