love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
