I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
