I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
