Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
