Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
