he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
