my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
