I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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