i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
