i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If I die, sorry about rent.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
