Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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