so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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