You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
