The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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