dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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