Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
