i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
